Have you ever felt as if you were pulled in two directions (or more?) That feeling began for me at an early age as I have two undergrad degrees, one in science and another in art. That meant many long hours either in labs or art sessions. Furthermore, students in each discipline didn’t take me seriously, as for most people, the two subject matters seem so far apart.
In the last ten years, I have experienced another straddling of two worlds. As I developed my spiritual practice and was shown more and more by the Divine, the “traditional” friends that I had had fell by the wayside, as they had a hard time stretching their belief systems to other possibilities, especially when it came to healing issues. As a result, I had to find other new friends who were amenable to my beliefs and knowledge.
Recently, my ability to take care of a three level house has been compromised by an eight week long urinary tract infection which left me sleeping hours at a time. As a result, the muscles in my right butt and the side of my leg atrophied and go into spasms when I try and walk. (I know that I’m being really shown an important lesson here about my ability to support my own self). So, soon, I’ll be going to the Carolinas where I was born to find a one level house that will be more adaptable as I move along my path. So,here I am again, straddling the house and world where I’ve lived for thirty years to move someplace that I don’t even know yet.
A lot of my friends are trying to put a good spin on the move in that I’m going on a new adventure, but when I’m on so much physical pain, it’s hard to look at the bright side. I know that I need to make this move, as my mother, who died last year, waited too long to leave her house of fifty years, and once she went into the nursing home, never got to go back to her beloved house as it wasn’t safe for her to do so. At least, I’m getting to choose where I’ll live next, plus get rid of a LOT of stuff that I don’t need.
Straddling two situations and not seeing a way out can feel awful and helpless. I’ve been working really hard on my not playing the victim in this situation, but it’s really, really hard. As I said at the beginning of this posting, I KNOW that I’m being shown this path for a reason, and it will all make sense at some point, so I keep repeating to myself ” Trust and believe; Trust and believe” and another phrase, “Surrender and release, Surrender and release.” Those words have helped me a lot at 3 am when it’s dark and I’m all alone, so I invite you to try them out for yourself, too.
When have you felt yourself “stuck” between two difficult situations? What did you do to make a decision?
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You can find out more about my healing work in the other information on this site, about my artwork on my web site at www.fiberfantasies.com (be patient as it loads; it’s worth it), and can find me on Google + , Facebook (for Transition Portals), Facebook (for Fiber Fantasies), and Twitter.