I once knew a guy who said that there are four words that every man dreads to hear, namely “We need to talk.” For him, that phrase meant that his wife had a lot to say and he better shut up and listen. There wasn’t any expectation on his part that his needs and views were going to be considered, much less heard.
Yet humans seem to have an innate need to communicate. John Mauldin, a well-known economist, in his posting “How Change Happens,” points out that behavioral psychologists say the process of explaining something actually releases chemicals in the brain that make us feel good. We literally become addicted to the simple explanation. The fact that our explanations may be irrelevant or even wrong is not important for the chemical release. “KISS” becomes a mantra for many – Keep It Simple Stupid! “Get it out there in the open!”
However, what we’re speaking about may not be how the person to whom we’re speaking is capable of receiving the information. In the pivotal 1995 book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, he talks about the five ways that humans express love and caring for others …. gifts; quality time; acts of service; affirmations; and physical touch and intimacy. So if one person in a relationship is showing his partner affection the way that he likes to receive it such as acts of service, but the receiver needs physical intimacy, all of the kind things that the other person does aren’t appreciated. Both can feel frustrated, and they end up feeling as if they’re talking past each other. “Why don’t you get what I’m trying to say?” is one common complaint and relationships fall apart.
The trick is learning what the other person’s love language(s) is and giving them what they need, not the way that the first person would want to receive love. In my own case, my ex was brilliant at acts of service and gifts, but what I craved was physical touch and intimacy. Given how different our love languages were, it’s amazing that we lasted as long as we did.
I suggest learning more about how the ones in your life need to have love expressed, and working to giving them their needs. You own needs for receiving love also need to be clearly expressed, or you may end up as frustrated as the man in the illustration above and just float away from relationships that could be remedied with a little tweaking and heartfelt communication.
What are your languages of love and how well do you think that you give to others the way that they need to receive affection?
Why not leave a comment as to your thoughts on this posting. Please take a minute and fill out the form and share your ideas with the rest of us. We all grow when we share our thoughts and impressions of how you perceive life. Why not join our growing community of those who appreciate learning about our inner selves and the intricacies of healing work. We’d love to hear from you! Also PLEASE tell like-minded souls about this blog. We’d love to have them join us, too.
You can find out more about my healing work in the other information on this site, about my artwork on my web site at www.fiberfantasies.com (be patient as it loads; it’s worth it), and can find me on Google + , Facebook (for Transition Portals), Facebook (for Fiber Fantasies), and Twitter.