There are many people who are actively seeking solutions in their lives, whether it’s for healing physical ailments or emotional problems. They turn to holistic or alternative healing for the answers they’re not finding in traditional Western medicine. Just like me with some of my prior issues, if you were to ask them,they would unequivocally say that they want to get rid of them. However,there is a concept called psychological reversal. This term refers to a situation where your conscious mind says that, yes, you want something to change in your life. However, there are other consciousnesses involved that have conflicting agendas. The usual culprits are your Body Brain consciousness, involved with survival, and your Solar Plexus consciousness, connected with control. (See the posting about Triune Brain theory) As a result, many people find that they are unconsciously self-sabotaging the very issue they’re trying so hard to resolve, because they haven’t healed the issue in their unconscious mind.
When starting off in this holistic healing business, I early on had many rapid positive results. That got me enthusiastically started on my spiritual path. Finally, I was having releases from many issues that had plagued me for years. As I learned to hear the Divine, I found concrete, effective tools that I could implement and dissolve away my problems. Having been a teacher, it was easy for me to figure out ways to then show others how to achieve similar results. However, it seems that we each reach a time when it feels as if we’ve run into a wall. For me, what is often happening for me now appears to be that I’ve cleared away the easier issues and now to go further and heal more in me, I have to go even deeper into core issues that I’ve spent a lifetime of shoving under the rug. Ouch, that really, really hurts when I run into those walls that I so effectively build for myself. So now what do I do?
For me, in the past, I would have cut and run. Rather than facing issues that were no longer serving me, or in reality, never had been, I would run away in order to avoid conflict or shove my feelings inside and not express what I was feeling. As a result, I faced years of physical pain and many surgeries as my body was screaming at me trying to get me to listen. However, what I’m learning now and trying to embrace with all of my being is that I am creating my own reality in order to learn the lessons that I was sent here to learn this life time. Part of my “soul’s contract” this lifetime seems to be about getting out from playing the victim. A major, painful part of that lesson is owning that the faults I’m pointing the finger about with regard to others are really projections of my own shortcomings. I’m either doing something similar to what they’re doing or am using their actions to create a stir so I won’t look at my own activities. It’s so much easier to proclaim to the world about somebody else’s heinous doings than admit to my own actions.
So, having recently run into a very big wall of my own creation, I’m having to pick myself up, dust myself off, look at my own reflection in the mirror and ask to forgive myself. Hopefully the ones with whom I’ve hurt will move forwards with me. If not, then perhaps I need to move along my own path. I am proud of myself for at least making some movement and not staying wallowing in my usual hole. I once had a vision where I saw all of humanity being on a racetrack, hunched down at their starting blocks and ready to run the race of Life. When the starter’s gun went off, some people rushed straight forward, full of purpose and resolve and quickly made it to the finish line. I wandered off the track, up into the bleachers, back out onto the track, went around in circles for awhile, and then moved forward a little. Some of the other runners in this metaphor of the race of life disappeared in a “poof” and reappeared back at the beginning of the track, as if they were starting over again in a new life. However, when I changed my vantage point to looking down on the race from above, rather than being in it, I could fast forward and see that all of the runners eventually got to the end of the race. It’s that “knowing” that I’ll get there eventually, wherever “there” is that keeps me going.
I’d like to end with the thought that healing has to be hard is just a belief, and if it’s a belief it can be changed and healed. My take is that anything can be healed; I may just not know how to do it yet. In other words, it’s not a Universal given that any of this work has to be difficult. That idea, unfortunately, seems to be one that I’m very invested in right now. Ideally, when you’re in the Flow of Life, issues and conflicts come up, you rise up and over those rocks and continue down stream. The trick is not to keep going round and round in circles in some backwater eddy, but to get back out into that amazing Flow and keep traveling on.
When are some times that you’ve run full force into a wall that you built for yourself? Was it a one time collision or do you keep running full tilt at the barricade that you create over and over? How did you get yourself out of the self-defeating loop of repeating negative patterns?
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