Let me begin by explaining that I fell down a lot as kid, due to weak ankles, so as a result, I spent many weeks every year on crutches. Falling, therefore, is a big fear of mine. (I know that I can heal that fear, but there’s a rather long list of things that are ahead of fear of falling that need to be dealt with first!) So, about two years into my spiritual practice, when the Divine took me out somewhere far way in etheric space and said, “Now, fall backwards”, I was terrified. When I kept asking why, The Divine let me know I had an important lesson to learn. I was still very skeptical , but figuring that the Divine has the big game plan and knows better than I do, I launched myself off from some precarious platform out there wherever I was and began to fall backwards.
While I spend a lot of time in some strange places in this alternative healing practice that I have, I sometimes have a sense of doubt whether or not what I am experiencing is real. There I was physically sitting in my safe office chair in my studio, but it certainly felt very real as if I were falling from some great height. I kept falling…,falling…, and falling, and nothing changed except that I was still falling. I was furious at myself for doing something as “stupid” as deliberately allowing myself to plummet from some unknown height. “What were you thinking?” was one of the milder things I was yelling at myself. Then I began to realize that I was going to fall forever inside of me and I got even madder at myself. Who was going to feed the cats, and nobody would ever find me, and who was going to explain to my mother, and, and, and…the thoughts raced through my head. Finally, I decided, “Well fine! I’ll just fall forever!” As I settled into that sense of resignation of perpetual rapid descent, I relaxed. At that moment of acceptance, I flipped over, turned into a giant Harpy eagle, and slowly spiraled downwards, as if I were riding some celestial thermal of air. “Ta dah!” I exclaimed triumphantly as I gently landed, shaking myself off from what could have been a never-ending, very nauseating plummet.
Did I mention that you wouldn’t always know immediately why something was important to do when you are asked to surrender to the Divine? Having taken my free fall, I knew that what I had done had greater significance than just the obvious learning to trust in my Higher Powers. However, what that deeper level was escaped me at the time, which was unusual for me, even though I had only been doing this healing work fro about two years at that point. Previously, I would know immediately, why something had been asked of me. Certainly, the previous longest time before I had an answer as to why I needed to do what I had been asked was a week. It wasn’t until nearly a year later that I learned the lesson for my celestial jump. At this later time, I was working on opening up my heart and realized that what I needed to do was to free fall into the Heart of the Divine. There was my answer! I would never have allowed myself to dive freely into the innermost recesses of the Divine Heart, deep inside of me, with all of the scary implications that were involved with such a release, if I had not taken my life changing free fall the year before. It had taken all of that intervening year for me to get an answer as to why I had been asked to take that leap, (and to clear off the layers that needed to be healed before that could happen). By accepting that you may not ever know why something is the way it is could be part of what you are asked to surrender. You just never know where you will be led in this work, so be very careful what you ask for!
What sacrifices have you been asked to do as you follow your spiritual path? How did you feel about what you were being asked at the time and what lessons did you learn?
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