Forgiving Myself

 

Wishing there were a "Sorry" key on my keyboard to forgive myself

Wishing there were a “Sorry” key on my keyboard to forgive myself

Nancy Smeltzer, MFA

Today, a moving piece came in my email from one of my favorite sites, The Daily Good. It’s a marvelous organization run by volunteers whose mission is to bring something uplifting to read to counteract all of the negativity there is out there in the media. Today’s story was especially moving. Named the Black Madonna, it’s the story of a woman who forgave one of the white supremacists who had beaten her son and then hanged him in 1981. As one of the murderers sobbed in his hands in court after he admitted that he had killed her son and wished that he could take it back, the mother Beulah Mae Donald whispered “I forgive you”. (Be sure and click on the link that takes you to a poignant song that is based on this story).

As for myself, I’m not sure that if I had been in that mother’s shoes that I would have been able to forgive my son’s killer. I would like to think that I would, but I hope that I am never put to such a test. I have been able, however, to forgive others for things that have been done to me. Then, why is forgiving myself so hard?

Oh, I say I forgive myself for the little things like accidentally cutting in front of someone in line, or not exercising when I don’t feel well. Then, I can usually mean what I say that I forgive myself. However, bigger things like not taking the time to work on my own issues every day when I know that I should, or taking the time to reach out to friends, well, somehow, the days just slips away. I think part of it has to do with there’s a part of me that clings to my mantle of victim hood. “See how pitiful I am?” even though I KNOW that’s not a particularly useful belief. I know I have it, yet how easy it is to slip back into old patterns. I also know that I’m making a choice when I cling to these habits, but often like a child with an old favorite blanket that is tattered and worn, it’s hard to pry it out of my fingers.

I wish that there was a key on my keyboard that said “Sorry” as in the illustration above and that all I had to do was press it and the “issue du jour” would be forgiven. Haven’t found that model of computer yet, but if I do, it better have replacement keys, as I imagine that I’ll wear out the original one in the first few weeks of ownership.

How about you? Do you fine it easy to forgive yourself and if so, do you have some suggestions for the rest of us?

Why not leave a comment as to your thoughts on this posting. Please take a minute and fill out the form and share your ideas with the rest of us. We all grow when we share our thoughts and impressions of how you perceive life. Why not join our growing community of those who appreciate learning about our inner selves and the intricacies of healing work. We’d love to hear from you! Also PLEASE tell like-minded souls about this blog. We’d love to have them join us, too.

You can find out more about my healing work in the other information on this site, about my artwork on my web site at www.fiberfantasies.com (be patient as it loads; it’s worth it), and can find me on Google + , Facebook (for Transition Portals), Facebook (for Fiber Fantasies),  and Twitter.

About Nancy Smeltzer

I'm passionate about long distance spiritual and alternative healing, having had a successful practice now for over ten years. My clients work with me over the phone and on Skype from all over the USA and Canada, as well as Switzerland, Russia, and Australia. I specialize in helping people heal their negative repeating patterns of behavior and remove the stuck energy in their unconscious minds. By doing that, they can quit going round and round in circles,. repeating the same mistakes, and move forward to having the life of their dreams. Besides my holistic healing practice, I've also been professionally creating art quilts and other fiber arts for over 30 years. My specialty is contemporary beaded art quilts. On my web site, I bill myself as the "Self Proclaimed Button and Bead Queen of Maryland (USA)." My recent works have images that are based on what I see when I tap into a person's energy field and are called Meditation Gardens. These visionary art pieces are the perfect place for that person to play and meditate. In my spare time, I'm a rabid, avid "dirty nails" gardener, composing scenes with plants. Sometimes, I come inside so dirty that my clothes have to go straight into the washing machine; they're too dirty for the dirty clothes hamper! -The Official Google + site for Nancy Smeltzer
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