Healing Confrontation – When You’ve Locked Horns in Anger

Illustration of Locked HornsNancy Smeltzer, MFA

Sometimes, there’s just no getting around it. Confrontation happens, and just like this rack of deer horns, you find yourself entangled in an emotional mess. Things seemed to have been going along just fine, and then POW! What an icky, sticky goo  that you’ve found yourself in. It’s how you proceed from that point that makes all the difference in the world, because as I usually am able to see it, there are valuable lessons to be learned here in the midst of the mire!

In my cosmology, or way of looking at the world, there are no coincidences. So whether you lose someone in your life, or you just keep repeating the same fights over and over with the same person, there are some questions to ask. Is there a discernible pattern with this person or person(s). Where do you think that the underlying fear(s) are coming from? In working with my clients, I’ve found that anger often is laying over the top of fears. Anger is much more aggressive and active and many often feel like they’re at least letting someone know what’s going on when they’re angry. Fear is usually a much more submissive feeling, and leaves many feeling helpless, so it’s often covered over by anger.

Unmet expectations often leads to confrontation. You were expecting a person to act one way and they didn’t deliver. That can lead to many confrontations. In my shamanic training in Lakota Sioux and Mohawk traditions however, when you have one finger pointing at someone else, blaming them for something, there are three fingers pointing back at yourself. An example might be when you feel like someone you trusted left you, which may be a fact. However, the hurt from it might come from a parent dying at an early age or some other early event when needs weren’t met. So, again in  my cosmology, that recent person leaving your life gives you a chance to heal those very early issues of being left behind or not being good enough if you realize that that’s what’s going on. It’s not the recent person in your life that’s the problem; it’s early stuff.

What’s really cool is that instead of suppressing the anger, which usually leads to a lot of painful body symptoms, with practice, you can allow your anger to come up into your awareness inside. However, someone looking at you would have no clue that you’re angry, For me, that’s an amazingly powerful feeling to be that in control of my anger, that I can let it surface, be with it, and then with the techniques that I use, allow it to be transformed and released. For me, that’s incredibly empowering and self-affirming, because in the past, if I would allow myself to show anger at all, I would feel helpless, totally lost, and stupid, to the point that some times I wouldn’t even be able to speak or offer up any words in my defense.

I used to think that being on a spiritual path would eventually lead to a totally blissful life and there would be no more traumatic situations. Perhaps it does, but I know that I’m not there yet. I do find however, that through my work, much of what I come up against I am able to step back from and look at it from a more dispassionate viewpoint than I would have in the past. That ability is really freeing, and I’m incredibly pleased with myself, having spent much of my life tossed around on seas of emotions.

How do you deal with strong emotions? Have you found a way to get beyond the obvious situation that’s in your face and step back to see what’s really behind the confrontation?

Why not leave a comment as to your thoughts on this posting. Please take a minute and fill out the form below and share your ideas with the rest of us. We all grow when we share our thoughts and impressions, so why not join our growing community of those who appreciate learning about our inner selves and the intricacies of healing work. We’d love to hear from you! Also PLEASE tell like-minded souls about this blog. We’d love to have them join us, too.

You can find out more about my healing work in the other information on this site, about my artwork on my web site at www.fiberfantasies.com (be patient as it loads; it’s worth it), and can find me on Google + , Facebook (for Transition Portals), Facebook (for Fiber Fantasies),  and Twitter.

About Nancy Smeltzer

I'm passionate about long distance spiritual and alternative healing, having had a successful practice now for over ten years. My clients work with me over the phone and on Skype from all over the USA and Canada, as well as Switzerland, Russia, and Australia. I specialize in helping people heal their negative repeating patterns of behavior and remove the stuck energy in their unconscious minds. By doing that, they can quit going round and round in circles,. repeating the same mistakes, and move forward to having the life of their dreams. Besides my holistic healing practice, I've also been professionally creating art quilts and other fiber arts for over 30 years. My specialty is contemporary beaded art quilts. On my web site, I bill myself as the "Self Proclaimed Button and Bead Queen of Maryland (USA)." My recent works have images that are based on what I see when I tap into a person's energy field and are called Meditation Gardens. These visionary art pieces are the perfect place for that person to play and meditate. In my spare time, I'm a rabid, avid "dirty nails" gardener, composing scenes with plants. Sometimes, I come inside so dirty that my clothes have to go straight into the washing machine; they're too dirty for the dirty clothes hamper! -The Official Google + site for Nancy Smeltzer
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One Response to Healing Confrontation – When You’ve Locked Horns in Anger

  1. Very good article. I certainly love this website.

    Stick with it!

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